Very Poor and Paleo(ish)

About once a month this thing happens. The thing that happens is my ATM receipts start showing single digits and it usually happens about 5-10 days before pay day.

Before I ate paleo I would subsist on ramen noodles and peanut butter until pay day. Now things are a little more complicated, but still possible.

So here is what I do when I can't fill my gas tank all the way, and I'm a month late on utilities.

1. Eggs. I have said before and I will say it again. Learn to like eggs. Eggs are full of protein and (BONUS) they are cheap.
2. Chicken. Right now even the least lean ground beaf is almost $5 a pound. FIVE DOLLARS A POUND! Ain't nobody got money for that. Pork is another option, but even that's out of my price range right now. Ground turkey would be the cheapest, but after an unfortunate bout of the stomach flu, I can no longer handle ground turkey. So chicken! Get the cheapest cut. It's usually bone-in thighs. If you 'em up and bake them for about 20 minutes at 400 it actually tastes really good. 
3. Pick a vegetable, any vegetable! This where variety becomes a luxury I cannot afford. So I pick a vegetable and eat a lot of it. My vegetable of choice is broccoli. Always broccoli. 

So this week I have eaten 2 dozen eggs, 7 chicken breasts, and 3 pounds of broccoli. Thank god it's almost pay day. 

Paleo(ish) Pizza

There are paleo replacements for just about everything. You want pasta? Spaghetti squash. You want mashed potatoes? Mashed cauliflower (put enough garlic in it and you can't even tell the difference). You want pizza? Well your screwed. There is no paleo substitute for pizza. There is something about the bread and the cheese that make pizza irreplaceable, but alas we try nonetheless.

On Valentines day my baby sister (by baby, I mean 16) and I decided to celebrate how we always do. Zombie movies, and what goes better with zombie movies than pizza.

So here is my go to recipe for satisfying the pizza craving.

Ingredients:

2 lbs of ground chicken
Tomato sauce
Half a chopped onion
Chopped green peppers
Small container of feta cheese
Nitrate free pepperoni (I always buy the Applewood Farms kind)


This is probably the grossest part of the whole thing, particularly if you don't like touching raw meat (guilty). Take the 2 pounds of ground chicken and flatten it out so it looks like a crust.

Bake the crust at 400 degrees for about 20(ish) minutes.

Once the crust is baked go nuts and add your toppings!

Put it back into the oven for another 15-20 minutes and enjoy!

This pizza pairs well with Zombie movies.

Five Kitchen Tools That Will Change Your Life

I don't really classify myself as a who enjoys cooking. I like eating, and eating requires cooking. I also never thought I would be one of those people who swears by a blender, but, alas, I am.

So here are 5 kitchen tools that have changed my life.

1. Ninja food processor- I got mine for about $40 at Walmart, and have never regretted it. I use it to make smoothies, pesto, tomato sauce. You name this thing can probably blend it. This model also has a little mini blender. It's just as powerful as the large pitcher container, but fits in my dishwasher a lot easier.

2. Mandolin- Not be confused with the musical instrument, this utensil cuts things crazy thin. It's really useful for making salads (see this post where I use it to make a killer kale salad), or even sweet potato chips.

3. Electronic Chopper- Seriously go get one. You're eyes will never tear as you cut onions ever again. I got mine at Walmart, but they have the same model on Amazon.

4. Slow Cooker- This one seems like no brainer, but I hear so many college kids complaining about how little time they have to cook, yet don't own a slow cooker. THESE THINGS COOK YOUR FOOD FOR YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP! This is the adult equivalent to magic! And there are so many to choose from! Do it!

5. Waffle Maker- My mom got me a waffle maker the Christmas after I moved out, and I have never used a gift more. I use it for everything. Eggs, sweet potatoes (if you haven't caught on yet, I really like sweet potatoes), I have even quesadillas in it. Here is a link to a link to a book explaining the hidden potential of your waffle maker written by my professor's former colleague, if you still need convincing.

Procrastination, historical documents, and smoothies

Ladies and gentlemen may I have your attention please! I have discovered the best fix for a chocolate/sweets craving ever.

I was victim to a sale on Ben and Jerry's at Hy-Vee yesterday. I told myself that it was my reward for cooking the chili that I blogged about yesterday, and I swore I would only eat half. Well, before the beef had even browned the entire pint of Ben and Jerry's half baked was gone. I could pretend that the spoonful my roommate ate contributed to it's quick disappearance, but that would be just as unhealthy as the ice cream.

(*Side note I regret absolutely nothing. This is why I am paleo(ish). Because ice cream is delicious and sometimes it's worth it to just blow it all and eat a whole pint in one sitting...or standing because I didn't even make it to the table)

But now I have had a taste. I want more ice cream. I need more ice cream. But I know I'll regret eating TWO pints in one 24 hour period. I do not eat dairy often enough for my stomach to handle that much frozen goodness in that short of a time span.

That said, I still wanted something frozen and sweet. I was also tired of reading my History of Journalism reading. All of the s's look like f's. It's very frustrating.

So if you every find yourself frustrated and craving sweets follow my lead and make this delicious smoothy.

What you'll need:

• Nutri Dyne Dynamic Fruits and Greens (I used about a scoop and a half of the gluten free expresso flavored one. It has 20+ servings of vegetables in each serving.)
• 2(ish) spoon full of peanut butter (I used Smucker's All Natural Chunky)
• 4-5 ice cubes depending on how thick you like your smoothies
• 1/4 (ish) cups of Almond Milk

I threw all the ingredients in a my mini-ninja blender and within about 30 seconds my chocolate/sugar/ice cream craving was satisfied. 

Procrastination for the win. 

Lazy Sweet Potato Chili

As I write this it is 74 degrees outside and sunny...definitely not typical chili weather. Nonetheless chili is what I made today.

This particular recipe is a staple in my diet. It's spicy and delicious and cooks in a slow cooker. I used this recipe as a template, but deviate from it slightly. I don't use carrots and I don't measure out my seasoning, which is probably why mine tastes different every time. 

What's particularly great about this recipe is you can get pretty lazy with it. I buy pre-chopped onion (because, really, who enjoys chopping onions), pre-peeled garlic and dice it in my electronic chopper (if you don't have one, get one. These little contraptions are life changing. This one is only $14 at Walmart), and a package of chili powder. Careful when you buying packaged seasoning though. A lot of times there is added sugar. 

I imagine this would be a great family dinner. Being the single college student that I am I just eat it every meal for about 4 days so I don't have to cook again for awhile. 

So here's what you need:

• 2.5 lbs of ground beef
• 3 large sweet potatoes
• A handful of garlic cloves (4-6) minced
• One red onion chopped (or a 16 oz container of pre-chopped red onion from the grocery story)
• 2 cups (ish) of beef stock
• 1 large 30-40oz can of tomato sauce
• 1 can of petite diced tomatoes
• 1/2 cup (or one package) of chili powder
• 2 bay leaves
• Some thyme (here is where my cooking becomes less than precise) 
• Some Red Pepper
• Some Cumin
• Some Cayenne Pepper

Your going to brown the ground beef in a large skillet with the minced garlic and the chopped onion. While that's on the stove, peel your sweet potatoes and chop them in to 1(ish) inch cubes. Dump the sweet potatoes in the slow cooker or crock pot with the beef stock, tomato sauce, and petite tomatoes. Once the beef is nice and brown dump that in too. Now just add all the spices and the bay leaves, put the lid on, turn the slow cooker on low, and find something to do for 8 hours while you wait for this magical meal. 

(If you can appreciate an awkward British comedy, I suggest killing a couple of those hours with I Give it a Year, and if you're not, I suggest watching it anyway. It's on Netflix and the trailer is below. Enjoy!)

UPDATE: It could take more or less 8 hours in the crockpot. Last time I cooked this it tasted perfect at 8 hours. This time it looks pretty close to perfect at 6, so keep an eye on it.